The honeymoon phase can appear never ending when you’re the one in love. Eventually though, the rose-tinted frames you’ve dawned must come down at some point. When this happens, it might feel like some of the spark has left your relationship.
One moment you were an inseparable team and now you’re lucky if you get a kiss on the forehead before you both part ways as the day begins. It’s common for relationships to lose some of their luster over time and, in most cases, there are ways to get it back. There are also just as many ways a relationship can lose its shine as there are different relationships. Whichever your case may be, someone’s been there before and has some words of advice.
Have Your Own Hobbies
If you’re experiencing a loss of desire or passion in your relationship, you two just might be up under each other too much. Absence making the heart grow fonder isn’t just some old saying. In the beginning it can almost appear endearing, but expecting your partner to fulfill all of your emotional needs becomes a chore to even the most compatible of people. You might be into photography while he’s into video games.
Often times we try to include our loved ones in on the things we love, and it doesn’t work out. Instead of viewing his “me-time” as negative, have some you-time. Also, don’t allow your partner to demonize you having some you-time. Being someone’s everything might sound romantic but the reality of it can be quite burdensome. Even if you both share the same interests, taking some time apart is still a good idea. Relationship experts agree.
We also know that touching each other more often, whether that’s through kissing or holding hands can strengthen a relationship, but what about those of us who are feeling bored in our relationships despite having a healthy level of intimacy with our partners? For that I recommend changing up how it is that you touch one another. If you two always give a kiss on the lips/ cheek every day before going to work, try being more generous with the love and giving him some pecks all over his face. Holding each other longer when you hug is also another way to touch differently.
The key here is to just break the routine. Also, if you’re more passive when it comes to physical intimacy try taking the lead more. Being more forward might be scary but quite as it’s kept, men like to feel like the little spoon too sometimes. I’ve always been the more sheepish one when it comes to physical intimacy in relationships but when I became more physically forward in how I felt about my partner my relationship blossomed in ways my previous ones hadn’t. 10/10 would recommend.
The courting and honeymoon phases are all filled with butterflies and unicorn farts. Everyone is putting on their best show and absolutely enamored with one another, but as seasons change, so do we. Perhaps you’re wearing sweats more and have stopped putting as much effort into your skin care routine. Maybe he doesn’t buy you flowers as often as he used to and can’t be bothered to compliment you the one day you finally doll up. We know what it feels like when our partners stop putting as much effort into the relationship as they used to.
It can make you feel like they appreciate you a little less. It’s easy to internalize their lack in motivation as a lack of interest. Though this isn’t always the case, the best way to not send those kinds of signals to your partner is to remain consistent in how you expressed your affection in the beginning. Especially on days you don’t feel like it and even when he/she says that you don’t have to. Taking your partner for granted is one of the quickest ways to kill the chemistry you two once had. No one likes the feeling of being unappreciated. Be sure to show your appreciation for one another regularly and the surest way to do that is to keep trying to win your partners heart month after month, day after day, week after week.
Lilith is a blogger with an emphasis in writing and reflecting upon social agendas that effect black women. When not at her computer writing she is more than likely still at her computer, programming. On the rare occasion that Lilith isn't at her laptop you can attempt to find her exploring the Chicago food scene or attending workshops in creative writing.