As black women, sometimes we can form the most amazing bonds and friendships with one another. We live in a society where we know we are undervalued, underappreciated, mistreated, and so on. However, in contrast, as black women, we can sometimes be the main people who tear each other down. Too often do I hear stories about black women beefing with other black women. Its time to take steps to build a stronger sisterhood. As black women, let us take steps to stick together and work together with the following tips.
Checking your Emotions
Mental self work is a vital part of maintaining a healthy relationship with someone. If you are easily angered or emotional, that won't get you far. You know why? You are the worlds puppet. They know how to pull your strings because you lack control of your emotions. When addressing emotions it can get tricky because you cannot tell someone how to feel. People are going to feel how they feel, it's natural human instinct. But If a fellow sister has said or done something to make you angry, this tip may help the way you respond to her: Take a deep breath. If you find yourself in a trying situation and feel yourself wanting to explode, inhale! I don't mean a little breath, I mean a DEEP breath (expanding your stomach as far as you can). This allows you to release the anxiety and anger waves that are building up in your body. In fact, the power of breathing can be done on a regular basis. This is why working out and doing activities like Pilates is so beneficial. It is anxiety reducing as well and when you learn to breathe properly, you can use that on a consistent basis.
Sisters, Do not Exacerbate the Confrontation!
So you and a fellow sister are having an argument. You get called a name, and so you fire back and start calling the sister every name you can think of. Sister...YOU DON'T HAVE TO GO THERE. Not going there does not make you weak. Learning to diffuse a situation is one of the best forms of winning. You won a fight you and didn't have to do anything. It's like a person knocked themselves out when they are trying to get you to react, but you don't. So what are they left to do? Fight with themselves. Sometimes, situations warrant a response. But a lot of times (mainly petty arguments) it is not necessary to respond. If somebody is saying something to you and is clearly trying to start an argument, Do not respond. Now, there is nothing wrong with a healthy debate, but petty arguments are a different situation. When they are trying to pick with you (in public, on social media, anywhere) , diffuse the situation by saying nothing or little to nothing. It is going to be like arguing with an ant when you learn to do this because you know that petty drama is completely beneath you.
Mind Over Heart
Try to think about how you can logically respond to something. Think logically about what a person is saying instead of thinking about how much your feelings are hurt! You'd be surprised at how well you can distract yourself by doing this. You'll find yourself responding a lot better when you are not giving people the power of knowing you're upset. Self control is about knowing you have power and using the power for good. When someone knows how to fight, that person typically does not like to start fights. That person uses what he or she knows, as a tool of self defense.
Knowing how to put your differences aside for the sake of sisterhood is a sign of maturity and strength. It shows that no matter what you go through, you still have a mutual respect for your fellow sisters. As sisters, we are not always going to agree. We may make each other angry at times, but that is a part of life. It does not have to be the end of sisterhood when this happens. Come to a mutual understanding for one another, forgive each other, and bond on.
Monet – “My name is Monet. It is said the same way as singer Janelle (Monae)! Friends and family call me Naisy (neigh•zee). Writing has always been my passion. My other hobbies are playing piano, cooking, working out (Pilates and tae Kwan do), reading and beauty/skin care”